Cute Zombies & Their Badass Killers: Top 10
Zombies come in all sizes, shapes, and every shade of rot you can imagine. Their killers are equally diverse.
You know what I’m talking about?
Let’s take a look.
Have you ever seen an Undead guy (or gal for that matter) who rivets the eye. Come on and admit it.
You’re watching a movie, sort of, but really multitasking. You’re texting, reading People on your iPad, folding some laundry. You happen to look up catching a slothful corpse chasing its victim, and your mouth drops. Not because the scene’s scary, on no, you’re like, “Oh shit. You’re hot!”
No? Really? Hmm. Maybe I have issues then.
Maybe you don’t go heads over heels for the Zs, but the fact is that zombie films from the 1970s and 80s gave us monstrous corpses rotten to the core, not a shred of beauty anywhere. This changed over the years as makeup artists started to give us zombies with a touch of beauty, and a twist of repulsion.
And what about those guys in charge of killing the zombie horde – the Zombie-Killers (ZKs)? Surly you’ve seen a zombie killer (ZK) who has wowed you and got your heart pumping.
Just like zombies’ external beauty has evolved over time; so has their killers’ combat skills doubled, tripled, quadrupled, and quintupled.
Early films depicted heroes who were boring ordinary people. No combative skills whatsoever. I’ve seen kindergarteners with more ferociousness than those early heroes. They were clueless in wielding a knife or shooting hard steel. This changed . Heroes, in short, became Badasses. They not only possessed prowess but did feats akin to superhuman acrobatics and were as deft with a blade as a Jedi Knight.
Modern day has brought us Zs who are sexy; and ZKs who are badass.
Today my fellow blog readers, allow me to present my combine list of top ten picks for Zombie cuties, and their badass killers.
Badass Z Killer = Tallahassee
Actor: Woody Harrelson
Director: Ruben Fleischer
You know, in my mind, Woody Harrelson will always be good ol’ Woody from Cheers, the innocent barkeep. In Zombieland though he’s a tough-nails son-of-bitch taking no shit.
Cute cuddly Z = Ed
SHAUN OF THE DEAD
Actor: Nick Frost
Director: Edgar Wright
Awww. We all love our English pals, Shaun and Ed. But who can resist Ed – especially Zombie Ed? We laughed with Shaun and Ed as they tore through a group of zombies with a cross paddle. And we cried when Ed turned.
In the end though, Simon made the best from the cards he was dealt. He kept his best friend chained in the outside shed.
Just a random side note… Zombie Ed can be shortened to ZED – the universal acronym for Zombie.
Badass Z Killer & One Part Z = Ash
EVIL DEAD HERO
Actor: Bruce Campbell
Director: Sam Raimi
Our hero, Ash, in Evil Dead has a hand that becomes possessed.
For some, this might be a problem, but Ash is clever and problem solves. He saws off his hand. He’s clever as he bolts a chainsaw onto his arm.
Watch out evil undead dudes – here’s one Badass Z killer you don’t want to mess with.
Warning: Please keep gas nearby at all times.
Badass Z Killer = Cherry Darling
Actress: Rose McGowan
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Move over Rambo, this lady knows how to use a gun. This gal blasts zombies away in all sort of provocative positions that leave one’s head reeling.
Geeze. Stallone and Arnold never did that!
Frankly, I’m not sure we’d want them to either.
Badass Z Killer = Robert Neville
CUTE Z = Lady in Robert’s Closet
I AM LEGEND
Actor: Will Smith
Director: Francis Lawrence
“Who’s the chick on the slab?” …
“Oh damn, really? She’s sort of dead, but not?… Wait, she got this virus and she became a darkseeker…”
“Ok, so she’s like a zombie, but maybe like a vampire?…”
“I’m confused. What is she?”
I cheat on this one. I combine Badass Z-killer Will Smith with the cutie Z lying on table, if she is indeed a zombie. I’m really not sure now.
But we all know Will Smith; he’s one guy you want on your side when facing the post-apocalypse.
Cute Z = Zombie Boy
Featured with Lady Gaga
I realize he’s technically not a zombie, but Zombie Boy from the Lady Gaga video sure does heat up the blood.
Girls and guy alike are mesmerized by the tattoos covering him, and well, mouth water on what’s under them.
Badass Z Killer & Happens to be Cute = Jim
28 DAYS LATER
Actor: Cillian Murphy
Director: Danny Boyle
Cillian Murphy, I have to admit, started out rather pokey and confused.
I was hoping his lady friend would keep him safe and sound; he was too pretty to get turned or die.
I was shocked when he turned over a new leaf and escaped his captors. Then, he not only returned to save his friends, but in the process beat the shit out of the militia dudes and took out a few ragers too.
Badass Z Killer = Ben
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
Actor: Duane Johnson
Director: George A. Romero
Before we had Samuel Jackson, Denzel Washington, Jamie Foxx, or Will Smith… we had Duane Jones.
Jones played Ben in the 1968 Night of the Living Dead.
Notably, he was the first black hero portrayed in a zombie film. Zombie films up to this point had typically cast black people as the zombie themselves (Sorry Denzel but can you just moan?).
Duane broke the mold as he became the leader of a group of survivors.
Duane Jones gets my vote for Badass.
Spoiler alert – not every hero makes it out alive.
Badass Z Killer = Alice
Actress: Milla Jovovich
Director: Paul W. S. Anderson
Two words. Milla Jovovich.
Ummm, yeah, Badass with a capital B.
In Resident Evil, Jovovich has a soft, innocent name of Alice. This is misleading, as she is anything but soft or sweet.
Just ask the zombies in her film.
Look, anyone who K.O.s a line of Zombies like they were overweight kindergarteners should get a prize. Plus, she took on the Nemesis in Resident Evil 2 (sort of her ex-boyfriend) and man, that was a tragic battle.
Cute Z = R
Actor: Nicholas Hault
Director: Jonathan Levine
Pretty boy R is a zombie, and my, he looks good enough to make one consider Necrophilia, or would that be Zombiephilia?
Hmmm, not sure. Either way, he not only warms up his own heart as he swoons the cute live human girl, but well, he might have just swoon some of us too.
OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST:
BRYCE BENTLEY SUMMERS is a psychologist and earned his doctorate at the University of Houston. He’s employed at the Department of Veteran Affairs.
Bryce is the founder of Queer Sense. Please click here to learn more about Queer Sense.
Presently, he’s published three novellas and one short story that are part of the series Amen to Rot. Amen to Rot is a YA Dark Fantasy/ Sci-Fi.
Please be on the look out in the next months for his recently completed three novels that include Nyte God, conclusion to Amen to Rot series; Rotville, a New Adult Sci-Fi (Horror); and Fresh Meat, Adult Horror (Paranormal).