Full Moon

Bryce Bentley Summers

Chapter 1 – Tanner

Long before Macklemore cranked out Same Love, I fell in love with a boy who I kissed under a full moon.

It all began in 1993. Horny gay guys did not scroll through Grinder on their iPhones hoping to bust a nut. Cell phones were the exception, and the “answering machine” ruled the day.

I was seventeen, a high school senior, and raised in the suburbs of Wichita by a pair of conservative parents, minus all of the religious zealotry.

I was a good-natured kid who was either fussed over or teased. My mother would brush my brown bangs out of my eyes and ask, “Tanner, sweetheart, how is it you play tennis with this is in your eyes? Get a haircut, hon.”

My father joked (I always hoped, anyway): “You know, Tanner, your mom must have cheated. We Stewards are short and stout, not slender and tall. And we are scientists, not artists.”

My maternal grandmother, a woman with a wonderful Irish accent, always fondly claimed my hazel-colored eyes were as bewitching as a leprechaun’s charm. I guess that was a good thing.

My closest friends were Jeremy and Chase. Chase and I were grade school friends, and Jeremy came later. We regularly conspired together on conquering every senior’s greatest nemesis:


We all talked of doing it, but in the end, I think we were more terrified of screwing up the doing it part than of being virgins. I had been up a girl’s shirt, but that was it. Secretly, I sometimes found myself fantasizing about boys. No way I was gay, though. After all, I played sports, hated the color pink, and knew plenty of titty jokes.

On one Friday football game night, a new door crept open, and another one started to close. But I didn’t know how true that was until a year later.

Inspired by a bet, I walked up to a girl my friends referred to as a Goddess. She had black hair that came down to her shoulders, her jeans hugged her curvaceous hips, and she exuded an impenetrable sense of self-assurance. She barely looked away from the game as I strutted up.

“Hey,” I said. “Was’ up?”

The corner of the girl’s mouth turned upward.

I glanced back at my friends. The girl looked over at them too, and my friends both wheeled around so fast I wasn’t even sure they had been facing me. I said the first thing that popped into my head: “Uh, my friends bet me I couldn’t walk up to an f’n hot babe. You want to use their money to go out?” I gave her my most charming grin.

The girl’s face softened and she stuck out her hand. “Ok, I’ll bite. What’s your name, babe?”


She scanned me up and down and finally said, “Sandra.”

Turned out she was a freshman at the University of Kansas, chemistry major, pre-veterinary and worked at a veterinary clinic. She was visiting her family and came to the game to see a friend’s brother play. She asked if I wanted to walk, and I nodded. She took my hand and I glanced back over at my friends. Their jaws came unhinged.

We walked away from the crowded game and floodlights, towards the main high school campus, and were enveloped by darkness. Sandra asked me if I had a girlfriend, I said no, and she quickly asked if I had ever been with one.

“Y- yes. Of course.”

She laughed hard. “You’re lying.”

“No−” I started to say, but she pushed me up against the wall, and leaned into me.

“Kiss me, Tanner.” I knew how to kiss at least, and our lips touched.

Time dragged on, and I thought about what my friends and I might do tonight. A poker tournament? Her tongue slipped in my mouth, bringing me to reality, and after a few more moments she became aggressive, shoving her hand into my pants and clutching my ass. She whispered in my ear, “I want you inside me.”

I pulled away. “Here?

She shook her head and pecked my mouth with her lips. “No, baby. Tomorrow.”

Late afternoon of the next day rolled around, and I was preening myself in front of my friends, assuring them that someday they too would have their chance to lose their virginity. I may have fibbed that I had lost mine with Sandra out on the school lawn.

The phone rang and I picked it up. Sandra’s flirty voice was on the other line. “Hi, baby.” My mind was blank. “Tanner, you there?” I never expected her to actually call, but since she had, I all of sudden didn’t want to see her.

“H- hi.” I started to tell her I was busy, and my head rocketed to the side as my friends smacked me. I wheeled around and looked at them; they both had their hands on their hips, both of them shaking their heads with lines drawn in their foreheads. I told Sandra I’d be right over.


Chapter Two – The Nemesis: Virginity

I drove from the South side of Wichita’s suburbs, to the far North. Sandra had told me to hurry. My mom had not done the laundry, so I wore the only clean thing I had, sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt.

I had written down the directions to her house, but even so, I had to pull into a gas station and call Sandra from a pay phone. Thankfully, she answered on the second ring, but she sounded annoyed. She had me repeat the directions twice.

I was at her house a few minutes later. I knocked on the door and it opened the next second. I had rehearsed what I was going to say. “Sorry,” I started to say, and my lips moved but nothing came out. Sandra wasn’t standing in the foyer. Instead there was a young man who looked barely a year older than me.

He had a towel wrapped around his waist that he clutched with one hand; his other hand rested on the edge of the door. His flat abs had droplets of water on them, his left upper buttock was beckoning my eyes, and his dark hair was mussed on top. His eyes widened in surprise. “Yes?” he asked.

My tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth.

Sandra came up at that moment, unhooked his towel, and it duly fell to the floor. The young man yelped, bent down, and I gazed on the most gorgeous full moon my eyes had ever seen. He covered himself again and snarled at Sandra, “You’re such a bitch.”

Sandra yanked me inside, and she said over her shoulder, “See, Colt? Told you he was gorgeous.” She smiled back at Colt. “Jealous?”

I turned to glimpse his beautiful face. His brow was knitted and his eyes were beady. Sandra tugged me into the room at the end of the hall and I stumbled forward. I glanced back one more time, but Colt was gone. “Who is he?” I asked. She closed the door behind us and pulled me to her bed.

“Oh, we go to KU. He’s visiting family nearby.”

She slid her hand over my butt, and squeezed hard. Her lips were an inch away and I smelled oranges and liquor. “My parents are gone until late tonight.”

“Oh, good.” I clumsily put my hands on her hips and looked around her room. “You come back every weekend?”

She touched my chin so I met her eyes, cupped one of my buttocks, and delicately kissed me. She gazed at me fondly. “I’m on fall vacation.”

“O- oh, right, cool. I plan on going to KU too. You say, uh, your friend, Colt, he goes there too?”

She pushed on my chest and I sat on her bed. “Yes,” she answered, caressing my cheek. “Met him when I was out with my cousin at a concert.” She stared at me with large eyes, her hand resting on my thigh.

I made a light cough. “You guys hang out a lot?”

Sandra laughed and her hand went under my shirt. She pressed on my chest, and I lay back on the bed as she said with a heavy breath, “You’re body is nice.”

“I –I play on the tennis team. Keeps me in shape. Does Colt care if I’m here−?”

She put a finger over my lips and scrunched up her face. “You like Colt, is that it?”

What? Noo—” Sandra put her arms around my neck and kissed me. “I’m really horny, Tanner.”

I nervously laughed. “Ok.”

Her finger ran from my cheek to my chin. “Colt’s just a friend. Anyway, he fucks guys.” I opened my mouth in surprise. She took my hand, pressed it up against her breast, and her lips turned down. “You really don’t know what you’re doing.”

I shook my head. She stood up and smiled. “I’ll teach you. Get your shirt off.” I did.

She pulled off hers, then sport bra and pants, crawled nude up on the bed, and grabbed my hands, pressing them to her firm breasts. Her hands caressed my stomach and hips. She straddled me, and guided a finger inside her. She rolled her eyes back. I found the sensation interesting, maybe exciting. But sex was sure not as enthralling as everyone said. She reached down under my sweats, grabbed my slightly firm dick and it fully hardened at being stroked.

She bent down, kissed my mouth, chest, and went down to my belly button. She pulled on my sweat pants taking them and my underwear off. My dick flopped to one side.

I had a moment of panic I was going to mess this up.

This doubt vaporized in a flash. She had cupped my balls, put her mouth over my hard-on, and caressed my crotch. I stared up at the ceiling; her mouth was off me, and she picked up a purse from the floor and a second later brought out a condom, opening it with expertness. She slid the condom over me, straddled me, put me inside her and grinded against my pelvis in slow rhythmic movements. I stared up her, my breathing catching, and saw she wore a beaming smile from ear to ear.

I closed my eyes and arched my back with her rhythms and I remembered Colt’s full ass. I started to moan and felt myself climaxing. Sandra rolled me over so I was on top, raked her nails over my back, and I winced from the pain. She whispered in my ear, “Hard. Harder.

I thrust hard several times, she cried out, and without warning, came. I rolled off, out of breath. She was up and put on a robe. “Be right back, baby.”

I must have slept a moment or two, because the door creaked, and when my eyes jolted open, I saw that Sandra had returned. Her robe crumpled to the floor.

She crawled on the bed, a leer on her face. She rubbed my crotch, fondled my balls, and I hardened. She gave me a condom, I fumbled with it, and she snatched it from me and put it on. I was on top of her, going full force again. Sandra moaned and closed her eyes.

I looked back.

The door was cracked open, and Colt was peeking inside. He was shirtless and wore a pair of ratty gym shorts. One hand lay placidly on his toned stomach, and his other was inside his pants, stroking himself.

Our eyes locked. I did not look away, but pushed harder and Sandra clutched my buttocks and let her breath out into my chest. Colt pulled out his penis, leaned against the doorframe, and pulled his thickened rod in great excitement. White jizz spurted onto his hand, legs, and the floor. My head whirled. I looked away, pushing harder, and Sandra groaned, “Yes, fuck me baby.” I shoved inside her again, came, and slumped, glancing back. Colt was gone.

I left her room an hour later after she pressured me to do it again. I was spent. Colt was nowhere in sight. Blood rushed through my head, and I opened the front door, closed it, and froze on the porch. I left my keys in her room.

I hurried back inside and went to her room. She was nowhere around, but I heard a shower running across her room. I grabbed my keys, trotted down the hall and stopped. Colt had come out of the kitchen holding a glass of water. Days is how long we stood, staring at one another until I finally brought my hand up to say hello, or bye, I’m not really sure. No words ever came out of my mouth.

I hurried out the door.


Chapter Three – College

A year had passed, high school was over, and college had started.

After a couple of weeks of going to freshman orientations, getting my photo ID, attending classes, learning how to use my meal tickets, talking nightly on the phone to my mother assuring her I was okay, I felt I had the hang of college. Well, sort of; I was sure it would get tougher.

The university was beautiful with its rolling green hills and red brick buildings set across the campus. I lived in the dormitories, a nice walk downhill in the morning, but a long tromp uphill in the afternoon.

I missed my old friends. Jeremy was attending the same college as his girlfriend in Northern Missouri. Chase had gotten a full scholarship to Washington University for computer engineering. We had spoken on the phone several times, and he had to explain the concept of email. “Email, Tanner. Where have you been, man?” I had gone to the computer center that same day, set up a Hotmail account, and sent him a message.

Email. A novel idea.

After sending that email, I had a wishful thought. If they could design a network system where I could speak only to boys who liked boys, that’d be perfect. That’d probably happen like never. This wish made me realize, once again, I had started to accept my same sex attractions even more. Ever since fantasizing nightly on Colt masturbating in the doorway rather than the actual sex with Sandra, I had come to realize I actually might be gay. But I dared not tell anyone.

Making friends in college was much easier than in high school. I played tennis with a couple of guys from the dorm and had been invited to several get-togethers.

On the third week of my first semester, I got up early to attend my psychology course. It was a class I had skipped once and could skip more, but I was going because of gorgeous Ryan with his short crew cut and soft eyes. I sat by him the first day, and we began talking. He was a junior, accounting major, loved Michael Jordan, watched horror flicks, and waterskied.

He had called me the night before and asked to have lunch after class.

After class we went to the cafeteria, gathered our food, and headed towards the dining area. Ryan glanced over to a group of guys who were watching us. They had preppy, nice clothing and appealing looks.

A hefty guy with a buzzed haircut walked over. Ryan introduced him as Kevin.

Kevin said, “So, Ryan says you play tennis? I played in high school. Want to play sometime?”

I said yes, and we exchanged phone numbers.

Ryan and I sat down. I picked up the burrito on my plate, took a bite and sipped my coke. I nodded, pleased. This place had much better food choices than high school.

Kevin and the group of guys sat down several tables away. A couple of guys looked over towards me and turned back, chatting away.

I nodded to the group. “Who are they?”

Ryan said through a mouthful of food, “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He swallowed and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “They’re my frat brothers. You ever thought about joining a fraternity?”

I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, how long you been in?”

Ryan leaned forward. “Two years. Remember, I told you I go waterskiing?” I nodded. He said, “Well, one of the guys has a boat and we hit it good. Listen, Tanner, I talked to the guys, and they think you’re a perfect fit and want to meet you.”

I chewed my next bite and considered what Ryan said. I wanted friends, and I missed the camaraderie from being on the high school tennis team. “Okay, but what do you guys do?”

Ryan shrugged. “Name it. Dinner, party it up, movie nights, whatever. We’re family.” He nodded towards the guys. “I don’t have any brothers, Tanner, but I’ve known these guys since I was a freshman, and I consider them my brothers.”

A day later, I was a pledge for Kappa Phi Nu.


Chapter Four – Pledge

Halloween was three days away, and my nineteenth birthday was the day after.

The fraternity brothers had decided to host a Halloween party for two sororities. The pledges were to dress as Egyptian slaves, while the frat brothers would dress as Egyptian royalty. The pledges, of course, were going to be the servers and the entertainment. We had lined up a few singing numbers, one of our many pledge rites.

Over the past month I had gone to the fraternity house several times for meetings. Ryan was my mentor and had said the brothers were extremely glad I was on board.

Kevin held me to playing tennis with him not once, but on several occasions. He even insisted on buying my dinner a couple of nights after playing, just the two of us. He invited me over to his apartment to play his new Super Nintendo and have a beer. I promised I would soon.

I found myself fawning over a couple of extremely cute pledges, but they had girlfriends and asked me about mine. I lied, telling them I had broken up with my girl a few months ago, and was taking a hiatus.

Two days before Halloween I came to the house to finish up with decorations. I had been put in charge.

Not many people were around, the house was rather quiet, and I came to the living area where our decoration materials were laid out. The bulk of it had been done, but I was just doing finishing touches.

Ryan came into the room, saw me, and said, “Oh, Tanner, I’m glad you’re here. We have a new pledge.” Ryan stared at someone on the other side of a doorway whom I could not see. Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Ah, shit. It’s, Colby? Sorry dude, midterms are seriously frying my brain.” Ryan held his hand up as the young man walked through the door, saying, “Wait, don’t tell me.”

I sat up straight and my breath caught. “Colt,” I whispered.

Ryan’s eyes brightened, and he pointed his index finger up in the air. “Colt.” He regarded me and it looked like he didn’t hear me speak Colt’s name out loud. Ryan said, “This is my little bro, Tanner.”

Colt glowed in the doorway. His dark hair was brushed out straight, his dark eyelashes were enticing, one hand lay on his slender waist. Colt was staring down at me, a spark in his eyes said he recognized me but didn’t fully remember me.

I got up, stepped up to him, and a dawning of complete recognition flitted over his face. His eyes widened in grave concern. “Tanner,” I said and held my hand out. We shook. Colt’s hand was clammy and I realized he was frightened of being outed.

Ryan regarded his watch, and said, “Look, I got to head to class. Tanner, can you show him around the house?”

“Sure thing.”

Ryan exited the room.

I looked back at the empty doorway where Ryan had left, then to Colt and coughed into my hand. “It’s uh, good to see you again.”

A faint smile formed on his face. “You too.”

“Come on, let me show you around.”

My hands were shaking and my throat constricted. We didn’t speak much on the tour. We went upstairs and I broke the silence. “Aren’t you a sophomore now?”

“Yeah,” Colt replied. “But I never joined a frat last year. I met some guys during Greek Week and finally made a decision. They’re letting me join late.” He attempted a smile, but his lips quivered. We headed downstairs. A couple of pledges were coming up the stairs, and I introduced Colt. The pledges were excited to have a new member on board and promised Halloween would be a blast.

Colt said he had class in an hour that was way across campus and started to bee line it to the front door. He said over his shoulder, “Thanks, uh, thanks for the tour.”

“You’re coming to our dinner tonight, right?” I asked in a slight raised pitch. My hand went to my throat, embarrassed.

He turned to me, started to shake his head, and quickly nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He looked at his watch.

I stepped up and touched his arm. He jumped, and met my eyes.

I looked around us, leaned in, saying in a hushed voice, “Look, don’t worry. It’s cool. You like dude. I’m not going to tell anyone. Come tonight?”

His eyes immediately looked relieved, and the corner of his mouth came up, a hint of a smile anyway. “Okay, I’ll be here.” We shook and I watched him leave. He obviously had no idea about me.

We had dinner that night and Colt sat by me. I relished when our knees touched. Colt fielded several questions and when it turned to girls, he merely said he had recently broken up and was taking a break. Ryan laughed across the table, asking me, “Isn’t that your story too, Tanner?”

After dinner, I walked Colt outside and looked over my shoulder. Several guys were on the porch chortling away at a joke. I turned back to Colt and jumped as a bright red Ford Taurus peeled out in the parking lot. The car raced around the building and Colt turned just in time to see it whisk out of sight.

Colt laughed. “Shit, the neighbors don’t all drive like that, I hope?”

I laughed. “Let’s pray just that one. So, I’ll see you Halloween?”

He was staring at the place where the car had been, and raised his eyebrows, saying, “Funny. I’ve seen car that car before.” He tapped his chin. “Don’t you hate that, when it’s right on the tip of your tongue?” He shrugged and put out his hand.

I chuckled, and we bumped shoulders bro style.

“Hey,” Colt said. “You ever talk to Sandra?”

“Sandra?” my voice squeaked. “Um, like we saw each other once in December. But she called the next day, and the next and I never called her back. I thought you guys were besties?” My stomach was knotted; I didn’t want to talk about her.

“Hell no. Found out she was psycho. I was some kind of revenge thing.”

“Revenge thing?”

“Yeah. Right before she met you, she had broken up with her boyfriend after she found out he had experimented with dudes. I was like some kind of token she took her anger out on. Like I was the one who fucked her boyfriend.”

“Oh, that’s messed up.”

Colt said, “Don’t say anything, but I think her uncle raped her long ago. He’s in Leavenworth now.” I grimaced at this news. A couple of pledges said goodbye and we both turned, waving and telling them we’d see them on Halloween.

Colt looked up in the sky. A dark cloud hid half of the bright moon. “You know,” he said, “I remember she was pissed off in December. That’s when we totally stopped talking.”

“Why do you ask about her?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Her name was suddenly in my head.”

I suddenly remembered Colt standing in Sandra’s doorway that day. My dick hardened.

The corner of Colt’s mouth twitched, and I had this feeling he was thinking of that night, too.

We both jumped at the voice. “Hey, boys.” We both turned. It was Kevin.

Kevin was walking up with a couple of fraternity brothers who each had a girl with them.

Kevin gestured for us to follow him. “Come on, boys. We’re going to my place.” He pointed across the parking lot. “It’s that tall son-of-a-bitch. Lucky number 613.”

“Ha, really? 613 was my high school locker number junior year,” Colt muttered in an amused tone.

I observed the tall building a couple of blocks away. The girls scanned Colt and me up and down. Kevin held up a paper sack. “Got some booze, too.” He grinned, turned to his group and asked, “Girls, you think anyone would want to fuck these ugly fuckers?”

A blonde-haired girl who had red lipstick and a slight tipsy look clucked her tongue, and said, “I don’t know.” She pointed to Colt. “I think he’ll be fine.” She nodded to me. “But this one, I don’t know, I’m sure someone might talk to him.” Everyone laughed.

I grinned. “I need to study for a midterm.” I patted Kevin’s chest. “Next time?”

He winked and patted my stomach. “Right, text time. This weekend? You too, Colt. We can watch movies and drink some brewskies.”

“Yeah,” I smiled. I wanted to spend alone time with Colt this weekend.

The blonde-haired girl blew me a kiss. I watched them walk away. Her voice carried to me. “Who are they and why am I just meeting them now?”

Heyyy,” one of the boys said. “You’re with me.”

Colt turned to me and stuck his hand out. “I’m glad I came tonight.” We did a bro shake. “Maybe you and I could hang out sometime,” he suggested. “You’re fun.” His fingers slid over mine. I was hard, my breath was heavy, and I stared at his lips.

“Yeah,” I managed to say. “What about tennis tomorrow? Two-ish?”

Colt smiled and my heart beat faster.

He got in his car and said, “Yeah, okay. I’ll call you around noon, just make sure we’re still on.” I watched his car drive away.


Chapter Five – Halloween

Halloween evening arrived.

Our fraternity house had been decorated, tables were set, and in two hours the house would be full and raucous, and we pledges would be serving tables and entertaining. I stepped through the front door. The house was silent, and I remembered the fraternity brothers had a special event over at the Dean’s house.

Kevin asked me to come a couple of hours before the other pledges were supposed to arrive, saying he had urgent news.

I moseyed around the house double-checking everything was prepped. I thought about yesterday, my afternoon with Colt. It made me dizzy.

We had played tennis, and I had been winning until he had taken off his shirt. I had trouble focusing after that point. I tore off my shirt and that helped even the score. An hour later we had walked over a meadow near the science building, our shirts draped over our shoulders, and our hands brushed. We came to a grassy knoll that overlooked the campus. The sun was setting.

I stepped back to lean against a tree and bumped into Colt. His hand pressed up on my butt, slid over my crack, lingered for a second, and the sensation was gone. I turned to him, and started to nonchalantly say I had fun kicking his ass, pretending nothing had happened.

He kissed me on the mouth, though. My hands jerked up, froze in the air, and I closed my eyes. His hands were on my hips, and he pulled away. I opened my eyes and whispered, “Nice.”

I pulled him to me and kissed him. My hand slid to his firm butt. Lightheadedness came on full force; my dick wanted to jump out of my shorts. We stopped, out of breath, staring at each other until he turned away, wiping his mouth.

“Sun’s setting,” he said.

I turned and fixed my eyes on the sunset. A breeze pushed my hair back, and I glanced around. A couple of male students were pointing at us and I blushed. I let Colt’s hand go and we both watch the students walk by, giggling.

“Tanner.” I looked at him. “The night you came to Sandra’s, you remember?”

I nodded and smiled.

“Sandra found me outside and said you wanted to ask me something. I came to her room, and you were…you know.”

I slapped his stomach. “Dude, what? Never mind—”

Colt met my eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that night.” He touched my cheek. “That’s not weird is it? I like you, really like you.”

I shook my head and brushed his hand with mine, nervously glanced around us again, but no one was nearby. I met his eyes. “I never forgot that night either.”

Voices upstairs brought me back to the present, and I remembered I was at the fraternity house, waiting for Kevin. A couple of fraternity brothers came into the room. “Hey, Tanner, ready for tonight? You get to be our slave and do the Egyptian walk for the chicks.”

I laughed. “I guess.”

One slapped me on the ass, saying, “Tanner, trust me, you’ll be getting lots of pussy tonight and forever.”

I asked, “Is the meeting over?”

One said over his shoulder, “No, we’re just running late. See ya soon!” They left through the back door.

I heard the voices of a couple of pledges coming through the front door. They said they were bored and came early. We grabbed the bags that had our names on them, and I was the first to change into my costume. I looked in a full-length mirror that had been set out for the haunted tour and I instantly had butterflies in my stomach.

My loincloths barely covered my ass. I was wearing bikini undies, and my white buttocks were out in plain sight. The fraternity brothers had gotten our costumes for us, and several had lengthy loincloths, while a few us had skimpy ones, like me.

The two pledges guffawed with laughter seeing me, until they realized they had skimpy loincloths, too, and were about to don the same thing. Kevin walked into the room, chuckled and waved for me to come over to the other side of the room.

I grinned, stepped up to him, and did a quick pose for him.

Kevin looked me up and down. “Cool, Tanner.” He grasped my shoulder, his breath stunk of alcohol. He asked, “You nervous?”

I started to say yes, but someone lifted up my loincloth, and I felt a series of hand slaps to my ass. My butt stung, and I wheeled around, watching the two pledges sprint away, laughing excitedly.

I pumped my fist in the air. “Oh, revenge is mine!”

I turned to Kevin. He was looking down at my waist, his eyes glazed over.

I looked at a nearby mirror on the wall. The loincloth covering my butt was stuck inside my belt, and my ass was entirely revealed. I quickly untucked it, my face feeling hot.

Kevin squeezed my neck and guided me towards the study. “Thanks for coming early. I left the other meeting to ask you something.” He led me through the door. This room was closed off for the night, designated to hold several pieces of furniture. He closed the door behind us and walked over to a small hallway, holding up his finger. “Hold on.”

He stepped down the hall and went to the door that went to the alley side of the house, staring out the window. He came back and asked, “So, you nervous?”

He kept eye contact as he brought out a metal flask from his pocket. He put it up to his lips, barely tipped it, and wiped his mouth.

I shrugged. “A little bit. What were you going to ask?”

Kevin hit his forehead with his hand. “God, this is bad, a senior asking a freshman for advice.” He lifted the flask to his mouth again, and barely tipped it.

“What is that?” I asked.

“Grampa’s brew. Here, want some? It’ll calm the nerves.” He shook it up and down and grinned. “Just some whiskey and coke, bro.” He glanced around. “No one will know. Liquid courage.”

I shrugged, took it, and barely tipped it to my lips like he had done. Oddly, nothing came out. He had been barely tilting it back as if it had been brim full. Kevin put his index finger on the bottom of the flask, and lifted it all the way up. I immediately gulped liquid, coke and a bitter tasting substance. I put a hand over my mouth. My stomach and throat burned. He took the flask, screwed the top on, and put it in his pocket. “You like?”

I shook my head. The room was spinning, and Kevin reached out and put his hand under my arm.

“Whoa, fucking lightweight aren’t you?”

Time slowed. Kevin said something and I asked, “What?” I could hear people outside the study door. Colt’s voice. He was asking, “Have you guys seen Tanner?”

I pointed over Kevin’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s Colt.” I stepped up, but Kevin put his hand on my chest. I was inside a tornado, my vision blurred. I looked up at him and realized Kevin was very tall up close. I gave him thumbs up. “Nerves calm. Thanks.” I stood on my tiptoes and shouted, “Hey, Colt! Check this out—”

Kevin’s hand abruptly covered my mouth. I was talking through his fingers, and figured this was some kind of joke. He pushed me hard, and I stumbled backwards into the hall. He put his arm around my chest, lifted me off the ground and held me as if I was an infant. I yelled, the noise muffled by his hand sealing my mouth. The room went gray and spun. He came to the door, peered out the window and opened it.

I jolted up and down in his arms and saw a full moon was coming out. A red Taurus pulled up. Kevin opened the back door, pushed me in the backseat, sat beside me and closed the door. He pushed me so I was lying on my side.

Kevin yelled, “Go!

The car’s wheels barked and we sped out. I couldn’t raise my weighty head, and I moaned.

Kevin said, “He’s still awake!

The car stopped and the driver turned around, facing me. I moved my eyes up. Sandra was staring back at me, and a hideous grin spread over her face. “Hey, Tanner, caught my cousin’s eye I see.” She nodded to Kevin. “Don’t worry, Kev, he’ll be out soon.”

She turned around, driving, and talked. “I know what happened a year ago, Tanner. You and Colt been fucking this whole time.”

I muttered, “No.”

No?” she shrieked. “Two nights ago, I saw you guys out in the parking lot. Tell me this, Tanner, you the girl?”

Everything faded. The only clear thing was a horrific future.

Kevin whined, “Sandra, he’s not going to remember this, right? I don’t want to fucking go to jail.”

“No, Kevin. Have they ever? I got the stuff from the office, he’ll have amnesia. Relax.” The car was turning.

“When we get to your place,” Sandra said, “call the dean’s house. Get Ryan. Remember what to say?”

“Yes,” he said.


Kevin sighed. “He was tweaking on drugs, left the house all of a sudden and I followed him and now I’m calling in the middle of nowhere.

“Good,” Sandra said.

A hand crept up my thigh.


Chapter Six – Full Moon

I heard a girl’s voice. “It’s clear, go.” Sandra.

My eyes opened and I tried to look around me, but my head was a leaden weight. I was being carried, and I observed the fluorescent lights above me and the doors on either side of us with metal numbers on them. Kevin’s voice was above me. My memory returned and panic bubbled up into my foggy mind.

Kevin asked, “Are you coming inside?”

“Of course,” answered Sandra. “Colt slept with my boyfriend, I know he did, and then went off and slept with Tanner under my nose. Oh, I get to watch.”

Watch? This isn’t even Colt.”

“Same diff,” Sandra said.

We stopped. My vision blurred, focused, and I saw a door in front of us with the number 613. Sandra put a key in the lock and said, “I’ll leave you alone for a while, have warm up time.”

“I don’t know.”

“Want to take him back? Didn’t think so.”

The door opened and I blacked out.

My eyes opened to slits, and my chest and stomach were on the edge of a bed, my bare feet were touching carpet. It must have been only a few minutes later. My loincloths and G-string had been pulled off. My head was turned sideways, and I managed to see Kevin out of my peripheral. He bent over me and kissed my cheek, moved down, his lips brushing against my butt, his tongue snaked inside my rectum.

I tried to move my arm under me, but I couldn’t. Kevin breathed out, “Fucking-A.”

Greedy fingers pushed on my buttocks, and a finger shoved up inside me; a second finger tried to wiggle inside. A whimper escaped my mouth. “Stop.” To my ears it sounded like a loud groan.

Kevin shouted, his voice slurred from the saliva, “Shit, Sandra, he’s still not out. Sandra, get in here.” His hands were off me and his voice came from across the room. “Give me the stuff. I’m giving him more.”

“It’s in the car.”

Shit, why did you leave it there?

“Never mind, Kevin. I want him to feel it.”

What? Fuck that shit, and fuck you, Sandra. Two pledges saw me tonight.”

“Relax, Kevin. He won’t remember this, and probably not two hours before he drank he first took the drink.”

“Go. Get. It.”

“Fine, but you’re coming with me.” The voices drifted away and I blacked out.

A heavy knock noise jolted my eyes open. I was lying half on a bed, unable to move, and my mind was too groggy to think. Memories of Kevin’s fingers forcing inside me were back in my mind, and I pushed up but merely slid down the bed and fell sideways on the carpet.

A familiar voice called from an adjacent room. “Hello?” Colt’s voice.

I opened my mouth but only a groan came out. Colt’s shocked voice suddenly spoke from the doorway. “Tanner!” His hand was on my back a second later, and he was leaning over me, speaking frantically in my ear. “Oh shit. Tanner? Tanner? What the fucks going on!

My tongue wagged a hundred miles an hour, telling him everything about Sandra, Kevin, and that they were coming back any second! The words my ears picked up, though, were grunts and nonsense mumbles.

“What?” Colt asked, and he leaned in closer.

I licked my lips, focused, and formed the words slowly. “Help.”

Colt yanked on the bed covers. A billowy sheet came down and he picked me up with a white cover draped over me and carried me into a living room. The front door was open and we hurried out into the hallway. He ran to the end of the hall and froze at the top of the stairs. His face was spooked, and his eyes were wide open. The voices reached my ears, too. I recognized Kevin. They were coming up.

“Shit,” whispered Colt.

He spun in a circle, stopped, and we were facing the elevator that had a sign posted on it: “Out of Order.” He carried me over to a nearby ice machine, stepped to the side of it, crouched down, and put me in his lap. Kevin and Sandra’s voices became more pronounced; they were arguing. Kevin was whining. “One time. That’s it.” They were in the hallway.

Colt waited a few moments and then tiptoed around the ice machine towards the stairs. Kevin and Sandra’s backs faced us and they had almost reached the door. Colt raced down the staircase, and Kevin’s panicked voice echoed through the stairwell. “The door’s open!

When we reached the bottom, Colt kicked the exit door, and it flew open. We were outside, and my eyes took in the night’s starlit sky. A full moon was illuminated. I deliriously whispered, “Colt, look,” then fell unconscious.




A month later, I sat up against a tree on top of a hill overlooking my campus. A chill was in the air, and I cozied up next to Colt. My hand lay on his leg, and our fingers were interlaced.

We did not speak and were immune to the looks we received from the random passing students. I tightened my hold on his hand and he glanced over.

“What?” he asked.

I shook my head and stared at two girls walking by who glanced back at us and turned to each other, hands over their mouths, giggling. I sighed. “I was just thinking of that night. If you hadn’t seen Sandra’s car driving away, or saw Kevin with her, or knew that was her cousin, or knew the apartment number, I don’t what…”

He put his hand on my cheek, and said, “Tanner, it’s okay.” He leaned in, kissed me, and we embraced like that until the shadows grew long, and a faint full moon became discernable in the twilight sky.



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