Zombie IQs: Top Ten Smartest Zombies
Ok, so we know zombies are not exactly rotting Albert Einstein’s. You are probably never going to meet a Valedictorian Undead.
Zombies are not known for their smarts, or street smarts for that matter, but they are known for their stupidity.Believe it or not though, there are a bunch of smart fellas out there.
How in the world do they end up taking over the world every time?
While you ponder this deep question, I have put together a list of the Top Ten Smartest Zombies you can peruse.
Title: Day of the Dead
Director: George A. Romero
We know Roland the Gunslinger from the Stephen King Dark Tower series, but Bub the Z-Gunslinger? Hmm … that just doesn’t have the same ring.
I guess a zombie listening to music is cute. Sort of. One brandishing a gun as if he’s on a swat team is downright wrong.
In Day of the Dead, Bub is a sweet, loving, docile zombie. He’s locked up in an unit, monitored and studied, and his only friend is Dr. Sarah Logan.
Inside his small room Bub reminisces on the good ol’days when he had a family and was human; and takes the time listening to oldies on his headphones.
Bub shocks fans in this film.
This is 1985 and zombies before this movie debut made different tones of moans from low, guttural, to high pitch. Ol’ Bub shows us intelligence that we’d never witnessed before from a human flesh-eating zombie. Bub also goes one step further and puts on a holster deciding he’s sheriff in town.
It happens after Bub finds the corpse of Dr. Logan, becomes angry, that he picks up a nearby pistol firing away at Dr. Logan’s wouldbie killers.
Frankly, I’m just worried about the day when the zombies start carrying concealed weapons!
Character: Kieren Walker
Title: In The Flesh
Waking up one day to find your skin decaying all over has to be a bummer. Finding out you are dead and rotting has to a real bad bummer.
The movie, In the Flesh, teenage Kieren Walker is re-animated along with thousands of people who had died. He is rehabilitated and given constant medications, and finally, considered ready to go home. He has to wear cosmetics to cover up his disease skin and is known by society as a Rotter. Plus, he has to take daily injection so he doesn’t relapse, and become rabid like. Damn. That just sucks.
Kieren might be a threshold Zombie, but the question of intelligence is above reproach.
Character Big Daddy
Title: Land of Dead
Director: George Romero
Personally, if I came upon a gas station and saw someone like Big Daddy standing outside, ready to fill my car, I might scoot on to the next place.
Big Daddy was once upon a time a gas attendant.
And we find, in Land of the Dead, he has something you rarely see in the gory, horror zombie flicks. He has brains.
Big Daddy becomes angered when he witnesses his fellow zombies gunned down mercilessly by the humans.
Big Daddy decides to end these prejudicial zombie murders and leads an army of zombies into the strong hold of a fortress inside Pittsburgh. It is no easy task to get inside though. The entrances are all fraught with dangers for Big Daddy and his followers.
Rivers border the human fortress on one side, and another side is lined by a large electric fence. Move over World War Z, these zombies don’t vault over the fence, but walk through the river to the other side. That is what we call, Thinking outside the box.
All in all, Big Daddy has not only brains but heart when he demonstrates emotional turmoil in the scene his fellow zombies are gunned down. He even tries to protect several of his zombie friends, trying to herd them away, but his efforts are futile.
Ahhh. Empathy. It’s rare to meet a zombie who has a healthy dose of logical intelligence, but also has traits of emotional intelligence too. What a goldmine!
Character: White Walkers
Title: Game of Thrones, TV Series
The mysterious White Walkers in Games of Thrones are technically a mythological race and perhaps they are truly not Undead. I’m thinking the jury is out on this one though. In my book, anything that can reanimate dead people back to life and use them like slaves has some zombie-like qualities.
The White Walkers live in the North, beyond the wall, and they’re marching towards us peeps!
Character: Nazi Zombies
Title: Dead Snow
Director: Tommy Wirkola
Time for relaxing vacation.
A cabin. Mountains. Snow. A blazing fire.
Wait, what’s this? Nazi Zombies? Nazi Zombies who strategize their attacks.
The dialogue in the film may be found wanting at times, but fresh risen Nazi Zombies with their uniforms still intact can be rather disquieting.
The newly risen Nazi-Zs coordinate their attacks and kill off the folks who are just trying to enjoy their winter break.
Does anyone wonder, with Hitler dead and gone, whose name exactly are they shouting out when they yell, “Heil –“
Director: Andrew Currie
Why my parents never got a zombie pet is beyond me.
Housewife Helen buys a zombie in spite of her husband, Bill’s, zombiephobia. Apparently, Bill is a veteran of the Zombie Wars and never learn to let the past go.
The son, Timmy, loves their zombie though and names him Fido.
Fido is a good fella, someone you just want to have around. The only caveat is Fido’s collar. When it malfunctions all goes to hell. Fido ends up escaping and infecting the neighbor. Luckily, the local Zomcom security gets the situation under control.
Timmy is able to look past Fido’s shortcomings though, and Fido and Timmy become tighter.
Later, when Timmy is kidnapped by some rednecks, Fido becomes quite enraged. He searches for Timmy, and rescues him.
This film reminds us of Lassie, in a weird, warm sort of way.
Title: Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Director: Gore Verbinski
Oh, you forgot about our good buddy Barbossa being a zombie eh? Yes sir, and he not only spits out sarcastic nails and outwits Captain Sparrow, he captains a ship!
Barbossa in Pirates of the Caribbean pursues the Black Pearl and shows us how real intelligent Undead Men strut!
Character: Alpha Male
Title: I Am Legend
Director: Francis Lawrence
I hate mind games. Especially when the mind games comes from someone who thinks he’s a tough hybrid vampire-zombie dude. That’d be enough to push me over the edge.
Will Smith is Lieutenant Colonel Robert Neville. Smith angers a large Z-male called Alpha, when he snares Alpha’s darling in a trap. Alpha is unable to pursue Smith because of the sun.
Robert takes his capture back to his lab, and the next day he does his usual route along the street. He stops dead in his tracks, staring through the storefront window. He had came here everyday, and remembered the placement of each mannequin. He realizes one of the mannequins have been moved.
When Smith investigates he’s snared in the same kind of trap he had set up for Alpha’s honey, and falls unconscious. Oopsie.
Things basically go to shit after this.
Alpha Male is badass in my opinion. He’s like the Dumbledore of Zombie-Vampire Guys.
Title: Warm Bodies
Director: Jonathan Levine
Hats off to R.
In a soon to come post, this guy wins top ten for prettiest zombie and now gets an award for smartest.
Some just got it all.
Title: World War Z
Director: Marc Forster
Yes. Zombies as in Plural.
No one zombie stood out in this film. Well, except for the creepy bug-eye one with the dreadlocks. You really can’t miss him. He was standing behind the clear glass in an isolated unit. He snarled at Brad Pitt and the scientist crew like a rabid beast and continually slammed his head into the window. You would think they could have at least put him in a padded room.
Seriously though, nothing picks up the blood pressure more than one Undead sprinting at you and who is faster than an Olympic Gold medalist.
Multiply this one single incoming zombie by a hundred, a thousand, or ten thousand – and whoa, it gets overwhelming quick.
Now, top it off and make this zombie horde behave like a swarm of bees, or like an army of ants who all collectively move together like smooth silk. This could cause any healthy person to have a massive heart attack.
Our jaws drop as they pile on top of another, building a zombie pyramid, and vault over a huge fence around Jerusalem.
Damn dudes. That is what we call a High Group IQ.
Bryce Bentely Summers is a psychologist who earned his Ph.D. from the University of Houston. He’s presently employed at the Dallas Veteran Affairs Medical Center. Bryce is the author of the Young Adult Dark Fantasy (Sci-Fi) series AMEN to ROT, a story that pits young people against a sinister force, but also takes a look at learning what your capable of accomplishing when facing impossible challenges. The novel Nyte God will conclude this series and will be available in 2015.
Be on the look out for a ROTVILLE, a Sci-Fi Thriller (Horror) that will be published by DAMNATION BOOKS and be available in 2015. A story about an experiment gone awry, they wanted to create the perfect soldier, but instead, a hero was born…
Also be on the look for FRESH MEAT, a Paranormal (Horror with Multicultural & Gay Themes) and is about a sociopathic’s inner journey from evil to salvation.
Bryce is also a blog writer for the Human Rights Campaign.